……over the edge

Its just not fair!

here I am a grown man

crying my eyes out as I type

there’s water rolling down my cheeks

…….why?

Because it is just not fair!

Who doles it out this…. fairness thing,

where is it?

I can’t find it!!!

…….and as for YOU !

the ‘you make your own luck

and/or deal with it’ crowd,

well I HAVE, for 36 years

but I just can’t get a break.

Why?

Where is this stuff

so I can buy some maybe?

I just want to be with someone

and be happy,

but I am not allowed that, oh no!

So I fight through the nettles of seizure.

Mostly pushing it away,

refusing to let it get the upper hand.

Even when it entangles me,

I can hear myself saying, NO! NO!

out load and then the scar tissue

turns several pages and I am lost.

Someone who HAS to be so in control is lost!

What happened?

I was OK wasn’t I?

Maybe, I should go after the one

who was doling out fate

in the form of my disability,

and I would have a few words with him!!

Some people type or print Him.

But he doesn’t deserve such reverence.

I just got an  email from someone

and it just blew me away,

because it’s just NOT fair!

I have given, I have loved, I have sacrificed,

I have avoided the suffering of holding back,

of staying out of the world.

I have not hidden myself away,

I have always tried to help,

so why can’t I have

the one opportunity before I fall cold,

of some sunshine in here?

Why…………. why?

dwk09